Finding My Voice
I’m searching for my voice in a sea of loud opinions. A million differing choirs all shouting that their way is the right way.
I don’t know when I lost myself in this. How in the search for my own intuition I gave it up to a bunch of people who believe that they know what’s best for me.
Did I ever know what I needed or wanted? Have I always been driven by everyone else?
This is the problem of being a seeker. There will always come a time when you have to confront who is you and who is them and what got messed up and meshed up and made you lose yourself.
Or maybe there won’t always come a time. Maybe this is just me, because that is what I’m learning in letting go of all those other voices, or at least trying to, that my experience is my experience and no one else’s.
That what’s good for me, may not be good for you, and that is the only real shared truth I can guarantee.
That regardless of how much it sucks, I can't have someone else hand me a map on how to live my life and find happiness.
But, how do you find your voice again when you’re not sure you ever knew it in the first place?
How do you tap back into your truth when there are so many people screaming into the void what they want your truth to be?
I’m trying to find my voice. I’m trying to shut those people and things out, but it’s hard.
Social media makes it hard.
Trying to stay informed and empathetic makes it hard.
Being a seeker makes it hard.
Being a human who has been molded and trained and shaped by habit, and environment, and life makes it hard.
I’m not sure exactly how to do this, but I’m working on it.
Working on being present, in my own life, with my own pleasures, and my own thoughts and opinions.
Working through any shame or embarrassment or guilt that comes up when my real self shows herself. Likes what she likes. Does what she needs. Believes what she believes.
That is my main intention or resolution or whatever you want to call it for this new year. To get back to me.
To own who I am in a way I never have before.
To allow my voice to be the leading voice, the guiding voice and to tune out all the other bullshit noise the best that I can.