September has always been my favorite month. Well, maybe that’s a lie.
Probably, when I was in school September had a mixture of feelings for me. Ones of fear and anticipation and excitement and annoyance. But regardless, one thing has always remained true, September has always been a month of new beginnings.
September is my new year and my guess is it’s probably yours too.
September holds the feeling of a turned page, a new chapter, way more so than January 1st.
September is change.
New weather, new school year, new layers of clothing, new air, new plants, new food, new light.
It is the time of year when I have the most tangible access to the feeling of a fresh start.
I missed the newness of September when we lived in LA. On the west coast September is one of the hottest months, in some areas of the coast it is when summer truly begins.
Without school and season change it had lost it’s excitement for me. I yearned for it and hated how it felt, no matter how in love I was with LA and California. I felt robbed of my new beginning.
I’m an East Coast girl at heart and my emotional and physical life relies on seasons.
This is my second September since I've moved back and as you can probably guess I was elated for it to begin. I was ready so ready for it. But when it started everything felt off.
We’ve been in a mercury retrograde for a month now and even though I knew this, that the first week was in the midst of it, a retrograde intensified by an eclipse, I still held on to my excitement. Mercury retro couldn't touch September in my mind. Except it did and my 'new beginning' excitement became overshadowed by a bit of chaos and confusion.
I couldn’t quite access the feeling that I rely on when the season starts to change. Even here in NY when the weather has cooled and leaves have started slowly turning.
I’d have moments when the air would soothe me and remind me of being a kid. When the scent of leaves or a crisp breeze aligned my soul. But those moments felt so hard to hold on to. It felt like every time I felt a sense of peace it gave way to frustration and a real feeling of survival.
I reached for my breath so many times this past week. I reached for my affirmations. I dug through my tool box and pulled out all the stops.
I want to clarify that I wasn’t feeling necessarily bad. Things are not bad. Things are actually quite good.
I just felt a bit thrown off.
Everything seemed to take five extra steps. All plans ended up rescheduled. A client cancelled last minute. The washing machine I needed in the laundry room was full and the drier that I put my clothes in took three transfers before I found a machine that actually worked. It took me 45 minutes to find a parking spot. That type of stuff. Connect with your breath to make it through the mundane bullshit, type of stuff.
Small potatoes, especially in relation to what’s going on in Houston or our country or the world in general, but sometimes those small potatoes can add up.
You place that on top of the daily intake of the insanity our administration is causing, sometimes shit just felt unbearable. Hopeless.
It's not though. It's not hopeless, I am sure of it. And all we can do is take one step at a time and do our part in whatever way that we can and most importantly remember to take care of ourselves.
I had to remember this. That taking care of myself is number one always. I am of no use if I am not taking care of myself.
I had to give myself a break. Allow the chaos to happen without taking me out. Allow myself to sit in boredom or sadness or anger or loneliness or whatever came up and move through it without judging too harshly.
There was a lot of breathing going on, a lot of crying, a lot of apologizing, a lot of needing to take a minute and accept where I am at and how I am feeling regardless of what month it was.
I am also fully aware that part of all of my feeling off kilter is due to large change that is happening. New beginnings. September at it’s best. The exact thing I long for and request of this season/month.
I am not fully sure of what these changes and new beginnings are. That part is not 100% clear yet. The not clear part is what sets off the anxiety. Change without clarity can be a bit off putting.
You'd think at this point of my life I'd be used to it. I've been dealing with change without clarity for....ever, really.
But man am I ready for some clarity. I would very really much like some. I will still trust and have faith and live in that place, but please please some clarity and stability would be real nice.
After a week of ups and downs, this morning I woke up and all of that anxiety felt present but truly unnecessary. I felt a jolt of inspiration and motivation. A readyness.
It is only fitting that I found out mercury goes direct today. It still blows my mind how much planetary alignment has an affect. You can call bullshit, but I can guarantee you if you pay attention to the timing of the chaos in your life in relation to mercury being in retrograde it will become undeniable.
And so finally today, only five days into my favorite month, I feel it. September has officially arrived. My new year is here and I have nothing but excitement towards it.
I am ready to delve deep into new projects and finish up old ones. To push my boundaries on what I am willing to put out into the world both creatively and personally.
To amp up my self care and work towards getting in the flow and to allow whatever change is about to happen to happen, clarity or not.
All is good. It's the best time of the year. And I am ready for it.
This also helped: Mystic Mama: September 2017
According to mystic mama who has always been on point for me, the theme for September is adjustment. This makes so much sense to me. If you've been feeling off too I suggest reading the above. It was really helpful and gave validation to how I have been feeling and even added a bit of clarity on how to move forward.
All my love always and always and always