Healing my Relationship with Food: Honoring my Body
I feel strongly about healing the relationship with food by removing restrictions. By opening up all options removing all deprivation and facing each meal as a choice to feel good.
So here we go. Here is where my struggle has been lately.
It has been almost a year since I removed restrictions. My relationship with food and my meals have healed so much. I am able to eat ice cream without having a panic attack and bread without freaking out for hours after. That is huge. No question. It is amazing and life changing and I am so grateful for this level of healing.
But if I am being honest, physically I don’t feel good.
I have had a horrible stomach ache for almost a month now.
I know why.
I stopped eating dairy for five years, and gluten, and refined sugars because I thought it would help me lose weight and give me the control I would need to eat without freaking out. Both false and dangerous notions that kept me in my binge deprivation cycle.
But truthfully when I was eating that way my stomach hurt less. And for me that was a huge win because my stomach has hurt every time I ate for most of my life. Finding out I functioned better without dairy, with less gluten and refined sugar was an unexpected side effect to a disordered eating pattern. A blessing if you will.
I know myself and my body enough to know that my stomach aches were also partially due to emotions and I also know that right now this past month it is again due to emotions and stress.
But I also know my body enough to know that it is sending me real signals that it needs a break from the things that I am sensitive to.
Here is the thing about intuitive eating. It is not intuitive if you ignore the signs your body is giving you.
I struggled with the idea of not eating dairy or gluten or sugar again because I have healed so much and the idea of adding in restrictions is now just as scary to me as removing the restrictions was before.
But I know my body. I hear what it is asking. Most importantly I FEEL what it is asking.
So here is where the real healing comes in and the second part of becoming an intuitive eater and an eater with no restrictions.
It is all mindset and the intention you start with.
My intention by giving myself a dairy break is NOT to lose weight. I am not going into this as a way to change how I look and better my appearance.
My intention is to feel good. Feeling good must always be the intention. My intention is to better serve and I know me and I will better be able to serve if I am not in physical pain. I will also better be able to serve if I learn this part. Heal this part.
Balance is key. Feeling good is key. Listening to your body signals is key.
I will never ever again say, “I don’t eat…..”
Because even if I am not eating it I AM STILL ALLOWED. If I decide to have ice cream or cheese one day I AM ALLOWED. If I really want a sandwich I am going to eat a fucking sandwich because I AM ALLOWED.
All options are still on the table. The difference is that my choices will now not just be about neutralizing the emotions around food, but about listening to what my body ACTUALLY wants and ACTUALLY needs. My choices will be about feeling good physically, not just emotionally. Really truly feeling good.
I think it is important for anyone healing from an eating disorder or anyone healing from disordered eating or anyone healing from yo yo dieting to remove all restrictions. I think that if even for a moment you eat things that maybe your body has a reaction to, it is okay while you are healing the emotional response to it.
I HAD to do that. It was IMPERATIVE for me to do that in order to start actually healing.
And I did. It worked.
So now I honor my body. I listen. I hear what she is asking for. And I act.
Every meal like every moment is still a choice. And those choices are mine to make from a place of bettering myself by working towards feeling good in all aspects. True feeling good.
It has nothing to do with losing weight and everything to do with being able to be my best self and stepping into my highest power. Because no lie, it’s real hard to be present and in my power with a chronic stomach ache and TMI a million trips to the bathroom each day.
I hear you body. And I am ready for this next step.
If this resonates with you and you are looking to start ACTUALLY healing your relationship with food so you can get to a point where you are able, truly able to listen and hear what your body is asking for, let's set up a free call and chat. Click the link below and let me know a little more about your situation and we will schedule your strategy session ASAP!
If ever there was a time to start healing and start getting in touch with your body it is NOW!
All of my love and support.