Changing the Conversation: A lesson in how I started to heal
It took a long time for me to take responsibility for my own reality. To realize that what I was projecting, my energy, my thought patterns, were creating my existence.
It took a lot of work and self reflection to recognize that every time I fed into my own drama or the drama that played out around me I was only creating more of the same.
That every time I told myself and others around me that I was fat and gross or that I felt fat and gross I was creating a prison of negative body image and hatred.
That every time I told myself restricting or eliminating a food was going to make me safe, I was making myself terrified of all the other foods and putting the responsibility of my own well being on a meal.
That every time I said I would be okay, I would love myself, I would be comfortable enough to be seen, my dreams would start coming true, I would finally be able to exist in peace, as soon as I got to a certain weight, I was creating an impossible existence where I was not allowed to be happy or worthy unless my body was the size of someone else.
It took a long time and the right guidance for me to realize that the reason I wasn’t healing the way that I wanted, the reason why I felt stuck, was because of me. It takes a lot of strength for me to admit that.
In order for me to really truly get better I had to do something so scary. I had to leave the comfort of negativity and depression and stop hiding. I had to take responsibility for my own existence and be willing to accept myself as is and change the conversation.
When I was first told that I was responsible for my experiences (many many years ago) I got super angry and defensive. I did not want to hear it. I did not want to take that on. I wasn’t ready to get out of my victim mentality. I wasn’t ready to be okay with being seen or to step into my own power. I wasn’t ready to be happy. It wasn’t comfortable for me. It wasn’t what I knew. I trained myself to believe it wasn’t possible and that I didn’t deserve it and that it wasn’t safe or okay.
I kept saying fuck you to those who I ultimately knew, knew better than me. People who had been doing this work for a long time and lived successful joy filled lives. Like actual joy. Not bullshit fake social media yoga instagram photo flighty meme joy, but radical deep rooted real deal stepping up to life joy.
I kept flicking them off even though somewhere inside of me I knew they were right, because it allowed myself to stay stuck and continue to hide and have breakdowns and panic attacks and consistently become suicidal. I allowed myself because it was easier for me to keep seeking out new help than it was for me to actually listen to what I was being told and try and change.
Changing your thought pattern especially when it’s a thought pattern that you have been living out for 30 years is not a small task. It’s simple work but not easy work.
Choosing to chase the how can I feel good thought, the acceptance thought, is not ingrained in any of us. It is so easy to go into the cycle and obsession of negativity and crazy. I mean really I chased crazy so hardcore. Most of the shit I would get stuck in was not real and never happened and would never happen. But if it ignited trauma and misery and pain in me I chased it anyway.
Here is my secret. The secret that I had been told over and over and over again but ignored or chose anger. Choosing the feel good thought, choosing to trust the Universe (God, Goddess, higher power, whatever works for you), choosing acceptance, choosing to change the conversation, actually works. Not only does it actually work, it is the only thing that works. Trust me, I’ve tried everything.
If you are an avid reader of my blog and have been following my journey and wondering how I got to the point that I spoke about in my last post. A point where I am becoming actually comfortable and accepting of my own skin. Well, here you go. This is how. This is the magic that got me here.
In the effort of chasing the good thought I am trying not to think about how much quicker I would have gotten to this point or how much pain I would’ve been able to miss out on had I listened to those people earlier on. But the truth is I was meant to get here now. I wasn’t ready before. And there was life experience and truths to be had in order for me to really hear it.
I hope so much you can hear it now. I hope so much you can take it in and recognize the truth in it. I hope you can start healing this pain and seeing how powerful it is that the healing is actually truly in your control.
And with that I offer my guidance. Because I can sit here and say changing your mindset and thought patterns is what actually works, but the how and the support is really how I started to heal. I needed actual tools and guidance to really get this and so I have created a program filled with all of the things that have worked for me on my healing journey. I hope to save you a decade worth of seeking.
This program is specifically tailored for women looking to finally truly begin to heal their relationship with food and body. Women who have lost who they are or maybe never really knew who they were because all of their energy has been spent stuck in self loathing and trying to stop the self loathing. My goal is to help you find your path to self acceptance and love so the true you can shine through again or for the first time. So you can find your passion and drive and start creating a life filled with real joy.
If you are ready to truly dive into this work and start healing for REAL this time, click the following link and fill out the form so I know a little more about your situation and we will set up a free strategy call.
I am sending you all of my love and support and hope so much whether you decide to set up a free session with me or not that you find your way to recognizing the power to heal is within you. The power to change your reality by changing the conversation is in your control.
All my love <3