It is time for me to celebrate my successes. To see all that I have accomplished and pat myself on the back for it. It is time. It has been time, and I am ready to see that.
In my thirty years I have survived numerous hospitals, multiple death wishes, mental illness, an eating disorder, and morbid obesity. I lost 160 lbs., I proved to myself and my loved ones that I was a functional responsible human with a strong work ethic who could be self sufficient and take care of herself.
I chose a healthy relationship. I wrote a book. I built a website and released the book myself taking a chance of it never being seen.
I healed and healed and peeled more layers and healed some more. I chose to fight to love myself as is. I learned to reach out for help when I needed it. I grew my toolbox and made a commitment to never stop growing it. I got certified as a yoga teacher. I got certified as an Integrative Nutrition Health Coach. I faced my demons and chose a career path to help others face theirs.
I accepted my empathy and sensitivity and even my anger and depression. I accepted. I learned that in order to truly heal I had to keep accepting and loving myself without condition.
I moved across the country and built a life. I moved back and took a chance. I started blogging and putting myself out there over and over and over. I decided no matter how I felt about my writing I had to keep doing it. Keep writing. Keep putting myself out there.
I followed my dreams regardless of what other people said. Regardless of the unknowingness and financial uncertainty of it in the moment. I fell in love and married a man with dreams as big as mine and I chose to believe in him and push him to follow his heart regardless of the unknowingness and financial uncertainty of it in the moment.
I chose to devote my life to taking steps into my own power and learning how to be my most authentic self. I chose to take steps to stop hiding. I chose to accept that my path to healing involved lots of self exposure and to be okay with that.
I faced fear after fear after fear and committed to keep facing fears no matter what.
I accepted my role as a healer. I embraced and stood up in calling myself a healer. I decided not to give a shit about what others felt about me calling myself a healer.
I helped people. Truly helped people. And most importantly I helped myself.
I got out of bed today when I didn’t want to. I said fuck you to my depression when I could’ve stayed in it. I went to the coffee place computer in tow and allowed myself to be in public regardless of how I was feeling.
I meditated. I did my breath work. I journaled. I listed all that I was grateful for. I pulled myself up and out of whatever funk I was feeling. I chose love and positivity when all I wanted was to be paralyzed by fear and watch sad movies and worry about things that I had no business worrying about.
I accepted that this transition has been difficult. That the last six months have been challenging ones and that they would be challenging for anyone. That despite how I feel sometimes, I am handling it with as much grace as possible and that no matter what, I have continued to take care of myself.
I started writing a blog post listing so many of my incredible accomplishments and called them incredible and didn’t care what other people would think about that and let myself revel in the amazing things I have achieved.
I accepted. I accepted. I accepted and became ready and willing to accept some more.
I patted myself on the back today and I encourage you to pat yourself on yours. To take a moment and think about all of your incredible accomplishments and to let yourself feel and call them incredible. To recognize your greatness and realize what a badass you are.
Because you are. We are. And what a gift it is to be able to remember that.