Learning How to Count my Blessings
Moving back into your past while trying to maintain your present is a really interesting thing. I am super grateful to be in the emotional state of “interesting” instead of the apocalyptic panic that I was feeling last week.
The cat sitch is still a nightmare but I feel a little more hopeful it will eventually calm down. Pleassseee please God, let it be soon.
Not surprisingly, a lot of my past since we’ve made this move has been rising to the forefront of my brain. I can’t tell you how many times I find myself caught up in a loop of memories and hypothetical circumstances and legitimately say out loud, “Sara, stop it.”
It bares repeating, moving back into your past while trying to maintain your present is a really interesting thing.
It makes staying grounded a little bit more difficult and requires me to be hyper vigilant in my self care. Which, thankfully I am getting better at.
This move is not just a transition it is a time machine and it is bizarre.
Bizarre but not bad. A type of bizarre that I know will ease into normal every day life in it’s own time.
It’s only been two weeks and I’m already feeling more at home and grateful to be near family and friends. Grateful that the connection I have with my bests has not wained and that hanging out with them means laughing until my stomach hurts for literally hours.
God, I missed that so much. I missed them. I missed the goofiness that ensues when we are all together. I am lucky and I am thankful to be back.
A self care act that I have not always been great at actually implementing, but am realizing now more than ever is so incredibly important for me to start, is developing a gratitude practice.
I had mentioned in a previous post about the time my LA bestie unintentionally ignited an ah ha moment in me when she told me I needed to count my blessings more. That moment was big and eye opening but I didn’t really do much with it except for recognize that she was right.
When it comes to healing it happens in layers. This is something that I recognize as a coach and have as a friend for a long time.
You can have the greatest intentions to heal. You can feel it in your gut that you need to make a transformation. But until you are ready to really do the work and make the change, it isn’t going to happen. And everyone gets to that place in their own time.
I have healed multiple layers, but for some reason I was not ready to truly heal my confusing need to obsess about the negative. There were many other things that had to heal first in order for me to get to this place. I can say with all of my heart that I am ready now.
In my early twenties after watching The Secret (yuppppp ;P) I started doing grateful/attraction lists. I had just started putting together the first manifestation of my memoir and desperately wanted it to get published.
I wanted to be a published author that helped people-- that hasn’t changed-- but I wanted it with such a sense of panic that I did some crazy things. Not that listing things you are grateful for and things that you want is crazy, but the place it was coming from at that time absolutely was.
As a side effect I started to realize that when I was writing out a page of things I was grateful for, my mood would shift. It would pull me out and up even if it was only for a brief moment. Regardless of how low I felt when I'd start writing by the end I would actually feel better.
I still believe wholeheartedly in the ability to manifest your dreams by putting energy towards them, saying them out loud, writing them down, giving them focus, believing they are possible.
Writing attraction lists helped me to stay on track and get the first iteration of my memoir finished. Another thing to add onto my grateful list.
I appreciate everything writing those lists did for me, but I know that in order for me to really start a gratitude practice it has to come from a place of wanting to see and recognize and love and appreciate and be thankful for all that I have (which is a lot) and not from a place of just trying to get what I want.
There are so many different ways to have a gratitude practice. Some people pray, some say things out loud. For me-- which if you have been following this blog you know well by now-- writing has always been the strongest way for me to heal. So, I am making a commitment from this day forward, for as long as I can, to take some time out of every day and write out a list of everything I’m grateful for.
For day one I am going to share it with you all because one of the things I am grateful for is having this platform to not only help others through shared experience but to be able to hold myself accountable through making my process public.
Counting my Blessings- Day One 4/6/16
I am grateful for this life and everything that comes with it
I am grateful for my family and how much they love and support me always
I am grateful for my husband and his unconditional love and ability to make even the most serious of situations silly and light
I am grateful for how he sees me
I am grateful for my parents and their unconditional love and unwavering support and faith
I am grateful for their huge hearts and what each of them bring to my life and how I can see both of them in me
I am grateful for everything they have taught me and for never giving up on me no matter what
I am grateful for my sister and her unconditional love and how she sees me and believes in me and respects me
I am grateful for how strong she is and how she doesn’t let fear keep her from putting herself out there and letting the world see her
I am grateful for my friends and their unconditional love and support
I am grateful for how hilarious they all are and how much we laugh when we are together
I am grateful for my soul sister Lorenna and for her unconditional love and support and how we always somehow end up on the same page in life and are able to always laugh at how ridiculous things get and how ridiculous we are
I am grateful for my strength
I am grateful for my ability and need to share my life
I am grateful for my ability and need to help others
I am grateful for my empathy
I am grateful for my strong intuition
I am grateful for my ability to set boundaries
I am grateful for my will
I am grateful for my connection to a higher power whatever it is called, God, The Universe, The Divine, The Goddess
I am grateful for my faith in myself and that higher power
I am grateful for my past
I am grateful for my present
I am grateful for my future
I am grateful for my hunger to always grow and heal and learn
I am grateful for my need to share the things that helped me grow and heal and learn just in case they can help someone else do the same
I am grateful for my heart
I am grateful for my passion and excitement
I am grateful for everything I have been through and how it has informed who I am today
I am grateful that every moment is a new beginning
I am grateful for choices
I am grateful for all of the teachers and healers that I have had throughout my life
I am grateful to know that I am always being taken care of and that God has my back
I am grateful to be back in NY
I am grateful to have had the balls to leave in the first place
I am grateful to have LA as a place that I can also call home
I am grateful to know that I have the ability to start a new life and make new friends
I am grateful to have a partner in life to do those things with
I am grateful to my mom for providing us with a house that we can feel comfortable in and make our own for this next chapter
I am grateful to have a car
I am grateful for my Dad and Robin moving upstate so now we have a new home to go to and explore
I am grateful to all of my grandparents and loved ones who have passed who I know are watching over me and helping guide me through life
I am grateful to be unashamed of my healing path
I am grateful to be able to sniff out bullshit and know what and who I want to bring into my life
I am grateful to my clients and all they have taught me and for trusting me and allowing me to help them
I am grateful for IIN and everything I learned and for helping me find a more defined career path and giving me the tools to do so
I am grateful for my healer Christina and all of the guidance she has given me
I am grateful for how much I have healed since beginning working with her
I am grateful to be a Health Coach now and be certified to help people get on their own healing path
I am grateful to have finally gotten to a state of intuitive eating and to no longer putting restrictions on my diet
I am grateful to be healing my relationship with food
I am grateful to be healing my relationship with my body
I am grateful for my cats and for their unconditional love and for teaching me that I have a motherly nurturing side and am capable of taking care of another being
I am grateful for how ridiculous and adorable they are and how much they make me laugh
I am grateful for my body and all that it has taught and continues to teach me
I am grateful for upcoming projects and new opportunities and for my ability to keep pushing my boundaries and do things that scare me
I am grateful for a life filled with love
I am grateful for this next chapter
I am grateful for my love and need to write
I am grateful for everything