Making Friends in Your 30's: Please Tell me How
As intense as things have been before and after this move, last week hit it’s peak. Last week I completed (for the most part) a project that I knew was coming for months. It had been eating away at me during the entirety of the move. It was massive and terrifying and a huge shift for me in order to pave my healing path and truly walk my talk.
The project will be going live in May so until then this is about all I got for ya but just know it was the hardest, scariest, most intense, but most shockingly healing thing that I have ever done. Needless to say I gave myself a pass on blogging last week.
Outside of the intensity of this past week what I've been feeling the most lately is disconnection. I feel a bit off, numb, out of place, and unsure of where I belong.
Living on Long Island and in a town that I know so well has provided to be both really amazing and comfortable and really weird and uncomfortable. It’s cool getting to experience this place as an adult. Even cooler to be spending my days making our home ours. But recently the loneliness has been kicking in and I’m feeling such a hunger for community here that it’s painful.
I know for sure that people exist who I would want to become friends with. I know there are people who I could reach out to and people who we just haven’t been able to get it together schedule wise to reconnect. I also know I’ve done this before. I just did this. I just somehow moved across the country only knowing one or two people and created a whole community in a relatively short time.
We’ve only been here a month so clearly I need to be more patient. But it’s different living out in the burbs than it is in a city. And it’s really different when you work from home and don’t have the job friend thing to lean on.
In many ways I have more community in New York than I did in Los Angeles, but everyone is in the city. Sure it’s only an hour away and sure I knew that this feeling of isolation was a huge risk of moving to Long Island but it was a risk worth taking.
I feel like I’m beating a dead horse with this topic but it’s one I have been struggling with since we made the decision to leave LA. The longer I am here the more I know for sure that I don’t have any desire to move back into the city.
I need the space that living here provides me. I need the nature. I need a house to make home. I need a car and access to wherever I want to go whenever I want to go.
I am grateful for everything Long Island has provided. From being able to wake up and go for a walk at the beach, to our new swimming practice chilling with old Jewish Long Islanders at the Jewish Y.
I am grateful for the space in which to find my adult self without intimidation or a need to prove anything. I am grateful for this magic house and it’s magic yard and all of the beauty that surrounds me.
I am healing rapidly since being here which maybe is part of the uncomfortable feeling or the loneliness. I feel large energy shifts happening in my body and life and that is always a challenge.
We are lucky, Ben and I. I know that a million percent. We both do. Big things are coming for sure and this is the place in which we need to be in order for that to happen.
With all of that said, the loneliness and hunger for community is real. How do you make friends in your thirties? Really I want to know. I’m not going to join a meetup group, I’m just not, so while I appreciate the suggestion that just is not my speed.
I guess what it all comes down to is patience and trust. In the meantime I have my oldest and best just a train or car ride away. A list of people in my phone I could choose to reach out to. And a friend who someday soon I am sure to reunite with.
As always, patience and trust are key. Patience and trust, patience and trust. The theme of my life and if you are someone who reads this blog probably yours as well.
Breathe my friends. Let's just all take one giant breath and keep breathing.