Becoming A Leap Taker
I am a leap taker. I always have been. For a long time I thought I became a leap taker through the necessity of saving my life. I spent so much time stagnant and not doing much of anything that as a way to launch myself forward I went in the complete opposite direction and started taking big leaps. But now reflecting back on it I realize that even when I was at my lowest I was always a leap taker. Despite living in fear it has somehow always been part of me.
A leap taker is someone who makes big life decisions and takes big chances sometimes impulsively and always without regard to any possible consequences. Considering this definition obviously many times when you leap you fall flat on your face. The pain from being a leaper can be overwhelming and sometimes dangerous. With that said I have never once fully regretted taking a leap in the long run. I may have regretted it in the moment, but in the end I always agreed with my decision. It has gotten me into minimal trouble but has majorly progressed and saved my life.
I am always encouraging others to become leap takers. I think it’s so important to stop talking about all of the things you want to do and just do them. Sometimes I get super impatient with people around me when I believe so much in them and their capabilities but watch them allow fear, excuses, and procrastination keep them from following their heart. It has taken me a long time to realize that just because I am always jumping off proverbial cliffs doesn’t mean other people should. Everyone needs to get where they are going in their own way.
The hilarious part of me being a leap taker is I am also one of the more fearful people I know. As a kid I was terrified of the night sky and skyscrapers. On my 30th birthday my husband and I went to Joshua Tree and I nearly had a panic attack from the combination of desert night life and a gigantic oblong moon. It is bizarre to me that I can be so terrified of something so not scary or threatening at all, but have no problem quitting a job I hate or moving across the country with no real plan or reaching out to someone I admire or confronting a person from my past.
If I'm being honest I should mention that each time I do any of those things I get a large dose of panic. I am often not satisfied and even become upset with the results I get and sometimes the energy it takes out of me is beyond exhausting. So maybe saying I have, "no problem" with doing those things is a bit of an over statement. It's more I have no problem saying fuck you to my fear when moving forward with those decisions.
I have made lots of mistakes through my leap jumping. I have come off as selfish and stupid. But I don’t care. With every leap I have taken I have learned a million lessons. I have grown and gotten less scared or panicked around putting myself out there. It’s still scary. I still often times hate it. But I am forever grateful to it.
I would never tell someone to do some of the things that I have done. I think when it comes to leap jumping you have to come to the conclusion of taking those chances on your own. But I will always offer my hand to hold as you do it.
What leap taking comes down to is faith and trust. You have to have faith in yourself and trust in the Universe, God, higher power, whatever, in order to make a successful leap. Often times you have to do it blindly and pretend the trust and faith is there even if you can’t feel it.
This last year my need to trust myself and the Universe more has shown up in spades. Like ridiculous amounts. I am really great at taking the leaps but not so much at doing it without result oriented expectations. Each time I put myself out there I want something back in return and most of the time I don’t get anything and it’s taken a lot for me to be okay with that and keep trying anyway.
I have big dreams and ambitions. My vision for my life has remained steadfast but seemingly out of reach. I don’t accept no for an answer in this area but I do expect it. It’s the expectation of it that has sometimes turned my leap taking into self destruction. And by that I mean it has made me blind to the things I am receiving in return which in turn leaves me always unsatisfied. I have used it in the same way I have used food. As a way to validate my old belief surrounding my lack of self worth.
I want the books I have written to be published. I want to write a TV show based on those books. I want my health coaching career to take off. I want to open a wellness center. But most importantly I want to be taken seriously and not looked at like the joke I have often seen myself as. Not smart enough. Not strong enough. Not talented enough. Not confident enough. Not beautiful or skinny enough. Not worthy enough. The moment I start garnering any form of success around the things I want, those old beliefs come into the forefront and I freak out.
The truth is I have too much faith in myself to allow more than a day or so of the bratty behavior my freak outs lead to. Giving up is not a choice for me. Maybe it’s because I have reached the lowest point I will ever reach in my life already or the fact that I almost died twice at my own hand. Regardless of why, I know that I have come too far to give up and I won’t ever allow it. My inner five year old can throw all of the tantrums she wants because this actual thirty year old will forever stand back up and keep moving forward. Be it in leaps or small steps.
However you get there I encourage you to follow your dreams. If something has always eaten away at you just do it. Stop waiting or mulling it over or talking about it and just do it. If there is anything I have learned from being a leap taker it’s that the universe will always protect and be there for you. It may be in an unorthodox way but it is happening and if not immediately, someday you will be able to see that loud and clear.